artismysanity

My words and my pictures. All I have


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Sunshine after the storm

Hello people! Long time no read! I’ll tell you all that I’m truly glad to be back. This blog feels like a piece of home to me, and it seems like forever has come and left since I last posted anything.

I’m sorry I’ve been silent for so long, but July was a trying month for me. First I was swamped in partials and finals, then the flu took over our house and all three of us were sick at the same time. And then the really bad things started.

It’s hard to find the words to say what happened next, because I’m not sure I’ve fully admitted it to myself. I lost a friend a couple of weeks ago. She went through some very bad things in her life, and I guess the time came when it was just too much for her to bear. I’m not sure what I would have been able to do, but I feel, if only I’d been a little more involved in her life, listened to her problems, maybe things wouldn’t have turned out this way. Now I hope that wherever she is, she’s found what she always longed for.

One week after that, my mom came home from her yearly medical checkup and told me she had to have surgery because they’d found something in her breasts.

I’ve been angry and sad and resentful towards the world for weeks. I felt life was holding a grudge against me, throwing bad thing after bad thing at me, making me pay for all the happy times I had this year. Now I’m trying to embrace my sister’s advice and accept the fact that we’re all on a path we need to walk, and the things that happen to us and to those around us are just milestones in that path, not proof that life hates us. I’m trying to see there’s still beauty in the world, and the world seems to want to help. You wouldn’t believe how early spring is this year. The first flowers are already blossoming, my crocuses are full of buds, and my tulips are full of leaves. My niece is healthy and happy, apparently what my mom has is benign but we’ll find out soon enough, and I’m only a few months away from graduation. There’s plenty to be grateful for. And while I’m thanking, thanks to every one of you that wrote or left a comment to see how I was doing. Now you know why I’ve been missing for so long.

I took these pictures weeks ago, on a stormy day with crazy winds that froze my fingers, and I remember how good it felt to be there. They’ve been sitting in my hard drive while my camera sat on its shelf. Not anymore. I’m out there enjoying life again!

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Time of passing

One of the things I love most about nature is its wisdom, and how relatable it is. I can walk out my door any day, any time of day, and find something out there that will reflect exactly what I’m feeling, or will teach me the exact lesson I need to learn.

My college semester started today, and what I regret most is that I’ll be locked up in a classroom a lot of hours a week. I suffocate in there sometimes, and I just can’t wait to graduate and be done with college. I enjoyed it for a while, but I’m ready to move on.

For once, these flowers don’t reflect how I’m feeling myself, but a sensation I have about the world around me – the passing of summer, the ending of a phase of my life. Death is part of life; this rose has faded but new ones will blossom soon. In the same way, human beings are phoenixes: we die and are reborn from our ashes; we shed our skin like snakes.

I’ll be more than happy to embrace this new life, the real me. I’ve finally found my axis, my center of calm and joy, and I’ve never been more at peace with the world. Come what may, I know who I am and where I want to go.